I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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