So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
