It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I party with great urgency now.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
