My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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