i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I smell like Dick and happiness
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
