I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
