I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
