Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
