I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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