please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Buhtt sex?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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