cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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