Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
