That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
