I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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