i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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