I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
