Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
