If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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