oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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