You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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