he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
