the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
