things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
