I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
