no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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