This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
