he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My penis needs a shock collar
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
