Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
