you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
