Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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