69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
