I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
