but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
