Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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