hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
