It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
