nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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