I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i jhust puked up my retainher.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
