Need sex. Gaining weight.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
