Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
