she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
