Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
