Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
