we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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