he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
