when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
