this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
