If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
