Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
