Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
