I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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