Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
