Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
