At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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